What happens when a lightweight hubs gets an IV sedative and tries to text

Jam

How ridiculous is it that I'm posting this from my iPhone because I don't want to get back on those blasted crutches?  It's late and I've reached my crutch usage limit for the day.  Unless all that Miralax miraculously and suddenly kicks in.  Then I'll win some kind of land speed record for hightailing it to the john using assistive devices.  Narcotics do bad things to the lower end of humans.

(Thank you for the picture, fellow nurse Tarsa.)

TMI, I know.

Isn't this fun?

Here's some more fun.  Today I went from this: (that's a cold water circulating device around my post-op splint, very spiffy)

To all the latest in Storm Trooper spring footwear:

And here's the TMI part, the carnage:

GACK! 

Couple of torn tendons, a joint effusion and a ruptured ligament.  Lots of scar tissue that had welded the old damaged tendons in place.  I got what's called a Brostrom procedure done, tendon transfer and an arthroscopic debridement of my messed up joint. Here's the most YUCK part.  But kinda cool.  But still kinda yuck.  I have placenta in my foot.  That's right, they used stem cells from placental tissue and implanted a couple blobs on if it in there to improve healing.  Hopefully I'll be cleared for walking in three weeks, and I'll let you know if my foot is pregnant in about four.

Goooooodnight.

That's MRS. Grumpypants to you

So our baby-making plans are on hold.  That's all I'm going to say about that, because I'm sick of talking about it.  And kinda depressed over it.  And sick of talking about how I'm depressed over it.  SHUT UP, ME.

Ok, well I *will* tell you that I'm having surgery next Wednesday to repair what was apparently never repaired at all.  Downside?  Surgery, non-weight bearing for six to eight weeks.  Having to have someone help me wipe my own bum.  Upside?  The doctor says he's going to give me Dilaudid.

At least I'll be tweaked out enough this time to not want to chew my own foot off.

AND new subject.

Emma has apparently decided that now is a good time to act pre-menstrual.  Because there's not enough drama going on around here without her rolling her eyes at me every two seconds and arguing with EVERYTHING I say, especially if it has anything to do with birds.  Because suddenly she's a bird expert and the rest of us are all idiots. 

This morning she unfortunately timed an eye-roll and a snotty retort with MORNING *** and ended up getting her iPod taken away for the week.  We're not the corporal punishment type of parents.  Well, I think Chad would be if I let him.  But I am not.  So he isn't.  So we do the most awful, unimaginable thing next to snuffing our cigarette butts out on our child's arm: we take away her technology.
What do I find when I sit down at my desk this evening to waste some time on Facebook?  A blue outdated iPod plugged into my computer.  Ok, whatever.  I'm surfing around and Emma comes up behind me, picks up the iPod and says, "Oh GOOD, it's charged! Since you took away my other one I'm using this one!"

Parent: 1, Kid: 0

At least she hasn't figured out how to really be sneaky yet.

AND camping pictures. Because what's more fun than camping in the freezing cold for three days with three dogs and an eleven year-old who has no access to technology?  Camping WITH A BUSTED FOOT in the freezing cold for three days with three dogs and an eleven year-old who has no access to technology.

Can you tell that Sadie just had ELEVEN teeth pulled?  Now she looks like she lives in a doublewide and has a brother who is also her cousin.

 (It actually was a lot of fun to be unplugged from the world for three days but whining is fun for me right now.  I'm still smiling on the inside.)

***I am SO not a morning person - just ask my friend Jamie. I hit her in the head with a flashlight when she attempted to wake me up at girl's camp one summer.  Sorry Jamie.