A few things, list style.

Salsa Verde Doritoitis.

A few nights ago Chad and I were indulging in our nightly ritual of Scrubs DVD watching (Rowdy, no!) and I ended up hunched over in pain, howling on the couch. As it was already 10:00, and Emma was finally in bed after finishing a much-procrastinated book report, we called Chad's brother Casey to come over while we ran to the hospital. I kept trying to tell Chad that it just felt like a horrible stomachache, but of course he, being a guy, didn't hear a word I said. (He also tried to claim that the speed limit on Ironwood IS 85 mph.) My stomach was palpated, Vicoden was prescribed, and my gall bladder is the suspect. I also wonder whether my consumption of a bag of Salsa Verde Doritos had a small part in this whole thing. (So burney, but I can't put them down!) Anyway, our ER wait and discharge only ended up being about an hour and a half long and we only had to amuse ourselves with "your mom" jokes and Friends lines (Kidney STONES, KIDNEY stones) (yes, we're also Friends nerds - apparently we do nothing but watch reruns of sitcoms) for a very small window of time. Hooray for non-Banner facilities!

Thanks to Megan for coming over on such short notice, and apparently AFTER you took a sleeping pill (booger!) and to Casey for being your replacement. You guys are great.

You know you live in the middle of nowhere when:

A car accident is narrowly avoided when a CHICKEN decides to take a stroll in the middle of the two-lane road and ends up forcing six cars to slam on their brakes and swerve all over the place. (There was also that time I called Mesa Police and reported a cow rampaging in the middle of another two-lane road out our way.) I live so far from civilization it's slightly ridiculous. And I'm not exactly sure how I would have explained that one to our insurance agent.

The Emma update:

Emma is nearly done with school, and I'll admit that I'm glad this year is almost over. Her teacher's something of a meanie. I'm aware that my little spawn is a bit of a chatterbox (I can guess where she may have got THAT one from) but just because she tried to help a neighbor when they asked for help with math or played footsie with the boy across the aisle ONCE (can we please avoid discussing That Boy who has declared his undying love toward Memma?) does not, to me, merit a "poor" in the behavior category on the weekly progress report. And the call from the lunch aide tattling that Emma didn't eat her entire lunch - oh puh-leeeeeze. I was initially concerned that Emma had a behavior problem but after phoning Teachy and having her assure me that she's having this problem with all the kids this time of year, I simply concluded that the woman is a Nazi. I'm sure I'm just being a normal defensive parent about it, but still. Call me if my child is browbeating others or declares Jihad on the school administrators. Don't bother informing me that my straight-A, top of her class (according to Mrs. Hitler) kid doesn't like to eat her sandwich before she eats her dessert. I already know that. And ask me if I care. (Nope.) On to fourth grade!

Aaaaand I can see that I've spent way too much time on that subject and am starting to sound defensive, so I'll just shut it.

Emma is also in grave danger of destroying her back due to her inability to leave her entire bookshelf at home. Had to have another discussion this morning about limiting her school book-bringing to two books. The little fifty-pounder was hefting around a ten ton Hannah Montana backpack because she had SEVEN books crammed into it this morning. She's informed me that she never really knows what kind of mood she'll be in once it's time for independent reading, so she keeps a broad selection on hand. She may be in the mood for a series about owls (The Capture series), or prefer something from the Inkheart author, or she may prefer a book detailing science experiments (courtesy of Jamie, thanks!). It all depends on an apparent number of factors, none of which I truly understand. She becoming quite the moody little person, which I'm sure will make for exciting teen years. Yay Teen Emma! Sounds like a new action figure. Coming soon to a toy store near you!