Ugh. The snowbirds are back.

I need to preface this post with this: Emma is a *good* kid. She'll run her mouth off occasionally and it takes AGES to get her to pick up even a sock off the floor, and she did display a bit (ok, a LOT) of poorly disguised glee when she discovered that her school had asked me for an address to write to Chad in Iraq and it turned out that her STEPSISTER'S CLASS would be writing to HER stepdad, but who doesn't have moments like that? I know that *I* can appreciate the irony in the stepsister thing. The donor and the stepmom are going to LOVE that one!

But of course I'm being nothing but an adult about the whole thing.

*snicker*

Ahem.

But as I was saying, my little spawn is usually a *good* kid. We are enjoying being back in a civilized town, with things like libraries, neighbors that aren't running drug businesses out of their garages, parks and paved roads with more than one lane. Last night we made our way over to a neighborhood park we've been wanting to check out for a while. It's some kind of bird reserve but it seems that a bunch of idiots have released their unwanted cats into the place. Let's think about it. A bird reserve. Add a bunch of feral, starving cats. Yeeeeeah. At this point, it's basically a cat reserve with only the really BIG birds left over. The nature trails are cool, though, so we put Sadie and Winston in the car and headed over.

We're walking through the place when we come across a gaggle of geese. BIG geese. Honky geese. Curious geese who waddle closer to see what we are about. I'm no dummy. I have seen my share of America's Funniest Home Videos and know that big geese like this can have a bit of a 'tude so we just stayed back a few feet and waited for them to cross the path. Sadie is all ears and eyes, and suddenly goes BERSERK, barking and lunging. (Yes, yes, Sadie, you are very intimidating, in all your fifteen-pound glory.) My perfectly well-behaved, dainty little princess of a daughter howls a war whoop, "GET 'EM SADIE!" and goes galloping toward the army of geese, who have now decided to cross the path a little more quickly, and in the opposite direction. I throw a half-hearted "don't chase the geese, Emma" toward their retreating figures but in the throes of battle these things can get ignored. And I'm tired and know that they're not going to catch the birds anyway. We round the little bend in the path and what do we come across? An old guy. With no teeth. An old, ugly fat guy with no top teeth who is FEEDING THE CATS. Who decides that he is full of infinite wisdom for the horrible woman who doesn't discipline her child.

"I don't know if that's a bad way to train your dog, or a bad way to train your kid." he drawls.

Oh really?

I give him a sweet smile and sidle up to him, dragging poor Winston along.

"You feeding the poor little cats?"

He changes his tune and smiles, probably figuring that his words have gone straight to my sweet little feminine heart and that I am trying to rid myself of guilt by being nice. "Yep, if I feed them they won't try and eat the birds anymore."

"Um, are you sure the cats read that memo?"

A look of surprise crosses his face. "Wow, not used to a woman being a smartass." (Really? What age is he living in? He wasn't even being sarcastic! He was genuinely surprised! Well BEHOLD CORINNE. My husband just landed in a war zone today so you may have picked the wrong person to try to share your child-rearing advice with.)

"Yeah, well, it seems a little irresponsible to me, encouraging the cat population out here. Of course, I'm just a woman who lets her kid and dog chase geese, so what do I know?"

I walk away with my trained goose-dog and my rebellious, hellion child in tow and leave the guy standing there holding his cat treats with his mouth hanging open.

Hey, stupid meddling man. I don't need your helpful little hints about kids or dogs. Especially since you probably live in a trailer with your five million cats and have never actually raised a kid yourself. So shut your wrinkly pie-hole and stop trying to tell me how to raise my kid. You decide to be snotty? I'm going to give it right back.

DON'T MESS WITH ARMY WIFE.