Today's list of random

1. Went to Arizona Mills Mall today.

Wait, that's not the end.....

They were playing Christmas music in SPANISH all over the place. In every store. Everyone around me was speaking SPANISH. Something is wrong with this American picture. (I realize I'm not being PC here but ask me if I care!) THEN some chick teenager hawking wares at a kiosk called out, "Hey princess, come on over here and try this!" at me. DUDE. Did you really just call me princess? Really? Because 1.) I could probably be your mom and b.) I poke babies with needles for a living and LIKE it. I am NOT a princess. Unless princesses end up with blood and vomit all over by the end of the day and use profanity liberally.

I remember when Arizona Mills Mall was so cool. *sigh*

2. I get to have surgery again. That's right, lucky Internet, you get to listen to me whine about my nasal passages again. Except that this time you get the added bonus of hearing about an infected bone in my skull too. To the nurse at my primary care doc's office who refused to believe that my headaches were real and severe and even felt the need to share that YOUR nasal surgery took a while to feel better from but that I really shouldn't be feeling so much pain anymore: I hope you enjoyed your steaming slice of humble pie. I must admit to a certain amount of satisfaction in your phone call after your office got the MRI results. Yes, I WOULD like some vicodin, thank you. And yes, I will see a new ENT immediately, and YES, you may call around and get me into one today because apparently the results were not pretty and quite frankly, alarming.

(Turns out I've lost 10% of my hearing already, according to my new ENT! YAY!)

Anyway.

3. I am a nurse and know this a thousand times over but it bears repeating: DO NOT GOOGLE YOUR DIAGNOSIS UNLESS YOU WANT TO START HYPERVENTILATING. If you choose to google your diagnosis of mastoiditis, make sure you have plenty of Xanax on hand, because you won't be able to drink with all of the Flagyl that will soon be coursing through your system.

4. Chad is safe in Iraq, in case you were wondering. And even if you weren't wondering, you now know. He's thrilled because he found a Cinnabon on the base he is staying at.

5. NEVER NEVER NEVER google the city in Iraq that your soldier is staying in. (Especially right after you just googled your diagnosis and learned that you were either going to DIE and/or go DEAF.) Unless you really don't like your soldier. Or your sanity.

6. Emma, it turns out, is violently opposed to The Chipmunks Christmas music. She likes it "even less than Aerosmith". (What child of mine doesn't like Aerosmith?!) I admit to being largely relieved by the Chipmunk dislike - now I can delete it from my playlist. Their voices make my skull hurt even more.

7. My *squeak* keyboard *squeak* squeaks *squeak* every *squeak* time *squeak* I *squeak* hit *squeak* the *squeak* space *squeak* bar. Santa, I would like some WD-40 for Christmas, please.

8. My new neighbor. At first I thought he was just overly friendly but after today I know he's just insane. I was outside attempting to put up Christmas lights when he asked me what size shoe I wore (!!) and then when I told him, he disappeared into his house and came back out with like three pairs of shoes in my size. Turns out he bought them at thrift stores! (Ew.) And they're barely used! (Ew.) And here, try them on! Ummm...... I waffled between blatantly telling him that he was really creepy or just trying the things on to appease him, and finally went with the latter. The shoes are now in my garage (where they will STAY) because he deemed them a "perfect fit!" I'm sorry Crazy Neighbor, I just have a thing against wearing shoes that have been on other peoples' smelly, yeasty feet. I'm not a Duggar. I don't typically buy my shoes used. If he starts asking what size pants I wear I think I'm just going to go ahead and call the police.