Nope

We are heartbroken. A baby probably started to implant but didn't go any further, which was why I got a faint positive and then nothing the last two days. Blood test confirmed it today.

We said this was our last time. We're trying to come to terms with that. Part of me wants, so badly, to max out every credit card we have and give it one more try. But we've done that. We actually just made the last payment on the attempt from five years ago. It's no fun making payments (for five long years) on something you never got.

This whole thing is so unfair.

Meh

Well today's test is the same. I'm pretty sure I'm seeing things and that there's nothing there.

So I'll wait a few days to do it again.

In the meantime, enjoy this video of an ostrich dancing to Celtic music:

Ostrich video

Oy.

I went back to work last night and have to admit it was wonderful getting back with the babies and my hilarious coworkers. So when I got home this morning I did the inevitable. I took a home pregnancy test. Now here's the deal. I'm 11 days past "trigger" today, and the HCG from that is supposed to be out of your system after ten. It's also ridiculously early to be testing but I just couldn't help myself.

I, uh, got the faintest of double pink lines. Like so faint you have to hold it in direct sunlight to see it, but it's there and it's pink. This wasn't nice concentrated "morning pee" either, so really, if it gets darker tomorrow when I (of course) repeat this event then I know I'm on a good track to being really WITH CHILD.

I could be pregnant.

But I could not, because it *could* be leftover trigger.

But wheeeeee I could be pregnant.

Or not.

So really, I'm exactly where I was before I peed on that stick.

I'll keep you posted tomorrow.

Waiting waiting waiting

Lots of cramping today. Hopefully that's a good thing, since they should be implanting themselves soon.

In the meantime, this is how I feel:

Please pass the super glue

Well I'm pregnant, technically.

How many did we put in?

Three.

Because we're insane.

I remember making a very similar blog post five years ago, triumphantly announcing that we were pregnant with triplets. But I'm not about to be so excited this time, because none of those took. But our grades were better this time - Bs - even though, to me, the pictures make the embryos look a lot more fragmented than they are. Dr. Troche said that it's the way they were in focus for the pictures that makes it hard to see all the good cells in there. Given my age and the fact that our last one didn't take, the embryologist recommended we put in three. The overachiever now 10-cell, and two 8-cell embryos are currently sitting in my uterus. The remaining four are still in the lab and if they grow until day 5 they will be frozen.

And since you asked (didn't you?) here is a picture of what daily progesterone-in-oil injections do to my sensitive little (HEY) hiney:

Objects may be smaller than they appear.

I'll be on bed rest for three days, really just for my own sanity so I won't think I did anything to make them not stick if this doesn't work. I've also decided, with my vast medical knowledge obtained at my local community college, that eating extra chocolate right now can't hurt because these children are related to Emma, which means they will be more inclined to stick around if there's junk food involved.

In the meantime, I'm amusing myself but choosing horrible baby names. Eilonwy, Egbert, and Efharis (Bueller) are my current E favorites.

Here comes a fun ten days before we find out.

(The one at the very top is the ten-cell, and it was transferred as well, as a last-minute decision.)

1st quarter grades

Today we still have 7 embryos growing. Last time we had three "D" grade embryos and implanted all three. (Obviously none took.) The embryologist grades by fragmentation, and then we also look at how fast or slow the embryos are dividing. We have:

3 2-cell embryos, 1 B and 2 C's

3 4-cell embryos, 2 B+ (these could turn into A's tomorrow, maybe they still have extra credit to turn in) and 1 C+

1 6-cell embryo, B grade

Tomorrow we'll meet with Dr. Troche to talk about how many to transfer, and to look at pictures, and the transfer procedure is scheduled for 11:30.

I am a nervous wreck.

Babeeeez

So out of the 13 eggs 10 were mature and got ICSI'ed (sperm injected into them) and 7 of those are growing normally today. That's more than double what we had last time (three eggs grew) so I am OVER THE MOON. The norm is that around 50% will grow appropriately.

I'll get another report tomorrow with the grading of our little ducks and chicks.

I can't believe we're this far!

(This is not a picture of ours but an example of what a normally developing 1-day embryo looks like.)