So that high-pitched squealing, hissing sound you're hearing coming from my city? That's the sound of my attention span coming to a boil and then evaporating.
Chad has left Iraq, peoples.
This thing is finally coming to a close and the Dixons can get back to life as we knew it before....DUN DUN DUN.....The Deployment.
Which means in hopefully less than ten days we'll be back to fighting over who forgot to change the toilet paper roll. (I've been skipping over that and just perching a new roll carefully on top of the old empty one that's still sitting in the holder - why change it, right? That's in the "making the bed" category to me. It's just going to get messed up anyway.)
This also means that I have the concentration of a epileptic grasshopper high on crystal meth. I can't watch TV without just constantly running through all the channels, the remote smoking in my hand. I've started cleaning out the pantry a dozen times but I still have a can of green beans in there that expired in 1993. Internet browsing? Not happening. I'm flipping from website to website compulsively without taking anything in. I CAN NOT concentrate on any one task and follow it through. In fact, I just stopped typing that last sentence halfway through to go replace the empty toilet paper roll in the bathroom, in case you were wondering.
I've also lost a lot of my filter in the last couple of weeks. I know what you're thinking: WHAT FILTER?! YOU HAVE A FILTER? You should see me now. It's become difficult, when Emma states that she thinks that her stepmom is "just one of those evil stepmoms", for me to play the PC divorcee and try to get her to be nice to That Woman. Instead I'm finding myself just agreeing and telling her that I've given up trying to be nice to the troll as well, and sometimes we just find that there are people in this world that we're not going to like and that's ok. All those pre-divorce parenting classes have FLOWN OUT THE WINDOW because I just don't care anymore. Don't have the stamina for it!
Because Chad's coming home! YAY!
Let's hope I can get the filter functioning again before next week when I have to run into the Family Readiness Group Bitches.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
F is For Flute
Three weeks! Three weeks! That's how long we have until Chad finally comes home from the big bickering cesspool that is the middle east. Up until now he's been pretty chill about his return, trying to keep his mind on the mission or something (which is at least the answer he gave me when I demanded to know WHY HE WASN'T EXCITED LIKE ME, DOESN'T HE LOVE ME ANYMORE!?) but today when I Skyped him I could hardly understand a word he was saying due to his complete inability to sit still. He was busy packing his stuff up for shipping back to the US (while doing cartwheels?) and I could tell he was finally getting antsy. And I have to add this in here, even though Chad told me I shouldn't post it on facebook because apparently a bunch of the lovely army wives (I love them OOOOOOH so much) were bitching that THEIR husbands should have got one too! Whine! Moan! Waaah! I'm a princess and I want all the attention and I will get it through my husband and his deployment!
Erm. Ahem.
Chad got a Bronze Star!
Even though I'm at the point that if I hear ONE MORE STINKING WORD ABOUT HOW ALL THE COMBAT TROOPS HAVE LEFT IRAQ (LIES!) OR GET ONE MORE STUPID E-MAIL FROM THE FAMILY READINESS GROUP MY HEAD MIGHT BURST INTO FLAMES I am ridiculously proud of him.
Here on the homefront Emma has decided that she wants to play the flute in the school band. Fifth grade is when the schools here start the band thing. (I'm sooooo relieved that she has no interest in cheerleading. Use thy brains child!) The band teacher will start her from square one and teach her everything she needs to know which is good because I know nothing about the flute and don't want to shell out dough on private lessons for an instrument she may or may not keep playing. I *did* give her her first flute lesson tonight though when I was required to inform her that NO, the flute is not an appropriate tool to POKE PEOPLE WITH. She has already figured out how to make noise with the thing (she is currently blowing one loooooong note on the thing in her room) and attributes this to the fact that music is "in her blood". (She's obviously never heard Sperm Donor try to carry a tune. It's not pretty.) The girlie DID get my side of the family's musical ability (you should hear the kid's falsetto!) and Chad's as well, even though he didn't technically contribute anything to her genetic makeup. Can't wait for the first concert complete with ear-splitting ten year-old trumpet sounds!
F is for Flute! On which I toot! (an original Emma)
(Missy is our official flute supervisor.)
Emma also got braces last week, just on her front teeth for six months, and although she has emphatically stated that she HATES THEM she will thank me later. Plus she looks adorable in them. She has the ortho assistant Cheryl wrapped around her little paw already. The office will give patients a token to be redeemed for prizes each time they come into the office wearing a special shirt given to them, and then one more if they've brushed well. Somehow Emma conned Cheryl into giving her NINE tokens the first day. Cheryl gave her one for "being cute". The kid has learned how to market herself, I'll give her that!
And lastly, for your enjoyment, here is a photo of the french fry that fell to the bottom of the oven and was forgotten and nearly burned down the house when I preheated for a pizza tonight. See Honey? I DIDN'T burn down the house while you were gone!
Three more weeks! Three more weeks!
Erm. Ahem.
Chad got a Bronze Star!
Even though I'm at the point that if I hear ONE MORE STINKING WORD ABOUT HOW ALL THE COMBAT TROOPS HAVE LEFT IRAQ (LIES!) OR GET ONE MORE STUPID E-MAIL FROM THE FAMILY READINESS GROUP MY HEAD MIGHT BURST INTO FLAMES I am ridiculously proud of him.
Here on the homefront Emma has decided that she wants to play the flute in the school band. Fifth grade is when the schools here start the band thing. (I'm sooooo relieved that she has no interest in cheerleading. Use thy brains child!) The band teacher will start her from square one and teach her everything she needs to know which is good because I know nothing about the flute and don't want to shell out dough on private lessons for an instrument she may or may not keep playing. I *did* give her her first flute lesson tonight though when I was required to inform her that NO, the flute is not an appropriate tool to POKE PEOPLE WITH. She has already figured out how to make noise with the thing (she is currently blowing one loooooong note on the thing in her room) and attributes this to the fact that music is "in her blood". (She's obviously never heard Sperm Donor try to carry a tune. It's not pretty.) The girlie DID get my side of the family's musical ability (you should hear the kid's falsetto!) and Chad's as well, even though he didn't technically contribute anything to her genetic makeup. Can't wait for the first concert complete with ear-splitting ten year-old trumpet sounds!
F is for Flute! On which I toot! (an original Emma)
(Missy is our official flute supervisor.)
Emma also got braces last week, just on her front teeth for six months, and although she has emphatically stated that she HATES THEM she will thank me later. Plus she looks adorable in them. She has the ortho assistant Cheryl wrapped around her little paw already. The office will give patients a token to be redeemed for prizes each time they come into the office wearing a special shirt given to them, and then one more if they've brushed well. Somehow Emma conned Cheryl into giving her NINE tokens the first day. Cheryl gave her one for "being cute". The kid has learned how to market herself, I'll give her that!
And lastly, for your enjoyment, here is a photo of the french fry that fell to the bottom of the oven and was forgotten and nearly burned down the house when I preheated for a pizza tonight. See Honey? I DIDN'T burn down the house while you were gone!
Three more weeks! Three more weeks!
Monday, August 16, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Phoebe, take two!
The first Phoebe wasn't quite ready to come home, as she insisted that she was NOT going to eat seed, no sir. So back to the breeder she went and version 2.0 came to us that same day. Which is cool, because she's prettier and sweeter than the original. Don't tell Phoebe the First.
Recycle!
PROFANITY ALERT! Another gem from the old blog: (Man I miss having the main subject of all my inappropriate/funny stuff on the other side of the planet!)
A solid reason why we shouldn't be let out in public:
Me: Wow, look at the size of that big-ass stuffed bunny! I am SO buying it for Emma! (pause) *whispers and looks around furtively* Do you think it's ok to say "ass" in the Hallmark store?
Military Man, loudly and with a big grin on his face: Who gives a shit?
A solid reason why we shouldn't be let out in public:
Me: Wow, look at the size of that big-ass stuffed bunny! I am SO buying it for Emma! (pause) *whispers and looks around furtively* Do you think it's ok to say "ass" in the Hallmark store?
Military Man, loudly and with a big grin on his face: Who gives a shit?
A post to take up space.
Just another night of the raging inability to sleep because my mind won't shut off. Man I love night shift/anxiety/having a husband too far away to listen to me. So internet, you get to play the part of my spouse and listen to details of my really boring day! (Since my husband is in a WAR ZONE and can't be reached at this very moment - booyah, I mentioned it yet AGAIN.)
1. Driving through Queen Creek today (to look at a house that is wu-haaaaaay too far from civilization for me to honestly consider moving into, even if it does sport a three-car garage and a kitchen to die for on 2.5 acres, where I could finally GET my herd of fainting goats) I spotted a business sign that read "What is Service Auto Repair". I'm thinking NO on hiring these people for an oil change.
2. I'm not really a Lord of the Rings fan, since I have a hard time following the looooong storyline and even if I could I can't remember which movie comes first in the trilogy so I end up watching them out of order and serving myself up a big helping of confusion. But I picked up Chad's copy of the entire thing (I ran out of smut) and whadya know, this stuff makes a good read! Well, at least until I fall asleep five minutes into it because it's so BORING. Maybe I should skip over the prologue, which reads like the geneology "Nevaeh begat Zinzan" portion of the Book of Mormon. The part that I always skipped. (Maybe I should consider jumping into that right now to make myself fall asleep.)
3. Emma and I are on Level 6 of Super Mario Brothers for Wii. And you thought I wasn't a nerd because I can't follow LOTD! This is also proof that I am indeed capable of concentrating on one brain-melting subject for nine hours straight.
That's going to have to finish up my lame-o list for tonight; I just realized that it's the end of the world and there is RAIN falling outside and I've left Bailey the sulcata out. Time to go save him from the apocolpyse! Pictures of Joey and Phoebe (take two) tomorrow!
1. Driving through Queen Creek today (to look at a house that is wu-haaaaaay too far from civilization for me to honestly consider moving into, even if it does sport a three-car garage and a kitchen to die for on 2.5 acres, where I could finally GET my herd of fainting goats) I spotted a business sign that read "What is Service Auto Repair". I'm thinking NO on hiring these people for an oil change.
2. I'm not really a Lord of the Rings fan, since I have a hard time following the looooong storyline and even if I could I can't remember which movie comes first in the trilogy so I end up watching them out of order and serving myself up a big helping of confusion. But I picked up Chad's copy of the entire thing (I ran out of smut) and whadya know, this stuff makes a good read! Well, at least until I fall asleep five minutes into it because it's so BORING. Maybe I should skip over the prologue, which reads like the geneology "Nevaeh begat Zinzan" portion of the Book of Mormon. The part that I always skipped. (Maybe I should consider jumping into that right now to make myself fall asleep.)
3. Emma and I are on Level 6 of Super Mario Brothers for Wii. And you thought I wasn't a nerd because I can't follow LOTD! This is also proof that I am indeed capable of concentrating on one brain-melting subject for nine hours straight.
That's going to have to finish up my lame-o list for tonight; I just realized that it's the end of the world and there is RAIN falling outside and I've left Bailey the sulcata out. Time to go save him from the apocolpyse! Pictures of Joey and Phoebe (take two) tomorrow!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Hey.
Emma's birthday has come and gone, and we've found the gift that keep on giving for her "main" present. (We let her pick out one big thing and then she gets a few smaller things for her birthday every year, the smaller things being surprises.) Emma has requested a friend for Trixie the stripper cockatiel. And since she's an only child and I'm incapable of telling those big brown eyes anything close to the opposite of YES we are currently waiting for her baby hand-fed pied cockatiel "Phoebe" to finish learning to eat only seed and come home to us. I've purchased a bird from this particular store before, and unfortunately when I walked into the back room where are the babies are, where all the half-bald little heads poke up over the top of their tupperware containers and beg for food, I spotted the EXACT same breed and color of lovebird I had and adored when I was married to the first husband. The exact same kind of bird that used to chase my ex-husband's feet around the living room with his little beak wide open, threatening to bite his evil toes.
Sammy was a lovebird but still a little bit of a hater.
So when I picked up the tiny little blue and black look-alike and he peered up at me with his white-ringed eye and snuggled into my hand? It was over. I put a deposit on him, too. He should be home in about a week, too. His name is Joey. (Notice the "Friend's" references here?)
So Chad took THAT well.
And THEN last night we had all of Chad's side of the family over for dinner and cheesecake ( I can't seem to keep shoveling the leftovers of it into my mouth, but hey, that's better than the foot I'm usually shoving in there!) and Emma struck pay dirt in the way of presents. $70 in cash and gift cards! Today we drove to Wal-Mart, with the windows open to air out the car due to all the money BURNING A HOLE IN HER POCKET, and she picked out Super Mario Brothers for Wii.
And now I've got the beginnings of a blister on my left thumb from playing it for four hours tonight instead of going to the gym as planned.
A productive week!
Sammy was a lovebird but still a little bit of a hater.
So when I picked up the tiny little blue and black look-alike and he peered up at me with his white-ringed eye and snuggled into my hand? It was over. I put a deposit on him, too. He should be home in about a week, too. His name is Joey. (Notice the "Friend's" references here?)
So Chad took THAT well.
And THEN last night we had all of Chad's side of the family over for dinner and cheesecake ( I can't seem to keep shoveling the leftovers of it into my mouth, but hey, that's better than the foot I'm usually shoving in there!) and Emma struck pay dirt in the way of presents. $70 in cash and gift cards! Today we drove to Wal-Mart, with the windows open to air out the car due to all the money BURNING A HOLE IN HER POCKET, and she picked out Super Mario Brothers for Wii.
And now I've got the beginnings of a blister on my left thumb from playing it for four hours tonight instead of going to the gym as planned.
A productive week!
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